The Awakening

The beginning of a story is never actually the beginning of a story.  The story begins long before the pieces come together and create form.  In fact, the story has no beginning, nor middle, nor end.  Because once we realize that everything in life, in this universe, is connected, we understand that life itself is the story.
But for the purpose of time, and space, and understanding of this moment, we shall say…
In the beginning…

I was awakened.

I didn’t even know I was sleeping, but the moment I was awakened I knew that something was different.

For 27 years I walked around this planet on something like auto-pilot. Running off of the ideas and beliefs and direction given to me, I instinctively used my inner drive and motivation to move forward.

As the scenery unfolded into unfamiliar landscapes, I carried on seamlessly, without fear, and without much resistance. I looked to others’ experiences to mark my progress, but if something didn’t measure up I shifted easily.

On the surface, I went through the motions.  I did the right thing.  I utilized my innate resources to create a path for myself that was agreeable, somewhat standard, and that was headed toward an idea of success.  But I also lacked something deeper.  Something that can’t really be present when you are trying to conform to a standard.

What I lacked was a solid foundation of personal power and self- knowledge. I always had a feeling, and a knowing, that I was meant for something big.  Something powerful and greater than myself.  As it goes, however, my perspective of what that “bigger” thing was was limited by internalized ideas given to and presented to me by family, friends, the education system, and our society as a whole.  I am a human being after all, living among other human beings.

The problem is in identifying only with that humanness.  Yes, I told myself, you are meant for great things.  Yes, my parents made me believe, you can do anything.  Yes, society told me, if you work hard anything can be achieved.  But these can and will only be possible through your hard work and action and right thinking with your human mind and body.  There are limits, you see, to your potential.  You must take this path.  Use this route.  Go this way.  That is the way it has been done.  So it must be that way.  Limitation in the how. Limitation on the where.  Limitation on the when.  Limitation because we lack true self-knowledge and personal power.

There are many points of awakening, sparks of enlightenment, that have occurred for me over this lifetime, but I didn’t always recognize them as such.  For me, personally, I have such a great knack for going with the flow that I have missed noticing even the most obvious of sparks when they happened.  Luckily for me, though, the lessons and messages remain long after the initial spark occurs.  I also have a great propensity for self-reflection which helped me recognize, at some point, that something great had occurred.

Seven years ago, these sparks of awakening called me to attention.  The time between spark and my awareness of spark as “spark” demanded to be shortened.  My higher self, my soul, the part of me that “knows things” was no longer going to allow me to simply flow through life unaware.  I was to be awakened.  Consciously. And for good.

It began with Reiki.  I had never heard of it, but my soul knew exactly what it was, and knew that it was exactly what I needed to remember that I knew.

Reiki involves hands, and intuition, and spirit.  There is an element of all aspects of self involved in Reiki which was a great catalyst for an “awakening.”  A great way to tune into an inner system of knowledge and awareness and power that I wasn’t previously aware of.  And as these things go, the process of really opening up and trusting this “new” energy was slow going, but powerful.

My ability to “go with the flow” served me well, once again, as I was able to simply go through the motions and exercises and practices that opened up other senses little by little.  And little by little a “new” awareness was re-born within me.

Not long after my re-introduction into Energy Healing was I presented, yet again, with another “spark.”  I was pregnant with my second child.  I knew I was pregnant as soon as it happened, but I pushed that knowing aside until I peed on a stick.  Then I knew other things.  I knew it was a girl. I knew this would change my  marriage.  I knew this would change ME.  I knew my life was different somehow. The time between “spark” and awareness of “spark”  was at that point non-existent.

I was awakened.

 

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