The new year brings with it new resolve to do what is best for us, individually. In the last few days I have been challenged by important people in my life who “love” me, the status quo, and even myself. I am no longer interested in playing this game. You know the one. The one that tells you what you can and can’t do, the one where the rules are collectively decided upon, but only to the extent that those “decision makers” are influenced by fear.
I’m done. I went on a rant today, and in that rant I said it… “I’m done.”
I’m done with thinking that I’m failing at life. I’m done with worrying about what those in positions of “authority” think about the decisions I make in my life. I’m done with doing things in order to gain the approval of others. I’m done with trying to do things the “right” way. I’m done with thinking that there is a “right” way. And most importantly, I’m done with trying to explain myself to others who are more interested in trying to debate me and prove me wrong, than trying to support and understand me. I’m done.
There are things I’m not done doing though.
I’m not done doing my part to create a world where people can be themselves. I’m not done informing others of alternative ways of living their lives that perpetuate love and health and joy. I’m not done with seeking out those alternatives for myself. I’m not done with trying new things and experiencing life in a way that makes my heart sing, and connects me to the universe. I’m not done seeing the humanity where it’s hard to see. I’m not done with giving respect and honoring others as another facet of life, even if I may not understand it.
My children are a huge part of all of this. They are, to some extent, the sole reason I am making this decree in so far as they are an extension of myself, and my purpose in life is to find, honor, and love myself. That is the purpose of all our lives.
I watched Star Wars today. In the theatre. With my husband an my son. Irony, maybe. Awesomeness, definitely. Without going too deep into the movie itself, let’s just say it solidified my resolve to be the empowered, strong, beautiful woman that I am.
We passed a Dress Barn on the way home and in smaller letters on either side of the sign read WOMEN and MISSES. What’s the difference between “women” and “misses,” I thought to myself. Probably a distinction in size or age, but either way, right there in big giant letters was a sign for a store for those of the female persuasion. We return home and I resume my domestic duties, which are really quite disappointing and a let down after such an amazing adventure I’d just watched on the big screen.
I retreat to my room with my baby to put my clothes away, a chore that has needed to get done for about a month and a half now. Jeremy walks in, apologizes for everything (literally) and my rant starts. I’m done. I’m done with convention. I’m done with expectation, either put on myself by me, or put on me by the world. I’m done. It doesn’t feel good. It confuses me. And I’m done.
So there you have it. It’s been declared and so it is. I may schedule my days with my kids, or I may not. I may plan lessons, or I may not. I may look like something worthy of respect, or I may not. Frankly, it’s none of anyone’s business and I’m done caring.
From this point forward the most important thing on my daily agenda is creating joy in my life and in the collective life of my family. If I’m successful at that then I can safely say I’ve done my part at setting them on the right path, and illuminating even a small part of the world at the same time… with the help of the force, of course.